why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
