Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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