Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize