it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
