I think I died a long time ago.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
