Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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