Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
