You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
