how can u be prego again
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
