So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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