ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
