I'm pants shitting drunk right now
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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