That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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