i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
