my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
