His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
