Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you have to choose: penises or morals?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
