i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
