Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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