I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
