his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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