i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
