my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
