I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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