I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
