Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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