I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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