I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
