well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We were destined to go to rehab together
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
