i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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