I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
