I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
