im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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