I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
