This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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