I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize