'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
