Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
