why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
