i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
