good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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