Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
