i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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