Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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