Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
