if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
