I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
My cat gives me a boner
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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