Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize