having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
