I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
