I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
