My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize