Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
