in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
