I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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