I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
