So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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