there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
