erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
