He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
