You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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