I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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