I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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