He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
