remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
