I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
40s are totally the cure
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
