you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
