Who did Billy Mays play for?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
