i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
