the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i think my tv is drunk
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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