PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize