i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
